You and I

I’m trying to try, continuing to lie
To myself, and everyone I’m surrounded by.
That I don’t love you anymore

You said I was everything a man could possibly ask for
You said there was just one me
Then her? Why was it her that you chose?

Was I not loving?
Am I not enough?
Or just that I’m not her?

I remember every moment shared, every text exchanged.
Does she? Will she love you so much that it destroys her?
Will she love you half as much as I have?
Do you even remember me, who’s heart is broken?

All so easy for you.
Were you really into me or was it again just me and my fantasy?
Every moment, every memory rewinds in my mind every night

All those midnight chats
Those late night drunk calls
Those all night till the sunrise snapchats
They were all with me and will always be

So many questions to which you are the answer. I want to flood your inbox and destroy you, make you guilty for what you did to me.
You killed every bit of love and trust I had
Left me lonely, wandering, in search of love that I’ll never find

But even after all this, it’s just you who is my first thought when I get up and last thought before I sleep
Because I know I love you now and will until my heart beats.

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Elevated

Oh babe
I’m now no more the girl who’s behind you
No more the girl you could call crazy for you
No more the girl you can claim apologies from

I’ve changed.
Yes I have
Not as per any of your demands
Not trying to match your list of perfection

I ain’t giving you the priority you never deserved
I ain’t giving you the attention you weren’t worthy of
Not giving you my precious time you never valued
You ain’t ever gonna get it back

I’m more than strong enough
I’m more than changed
Changed, not for you but for myself
I’ve risen from my weaknesses

I got up, a wounded warrior
I have left the pains behind
I’ve overcome from things that once scared me about losing you
Those seemingly unforgettable pains? I doubt I’ll ever remember what they were

I have nothing but elevated
Elevated from our memories
Elevated from every thought of you
Elevated from every drop of you
And most of all, YOU.

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Discern

I met you,
I was lost
Saw your eyes,
Oh my gosh

Was it love?
Was it just infatuation?
Was it a dream?
All lined up in a stream

I came closer to hear you laugh,
To hear you sing
All I could hear was silence
Which told me, you don’t belong with me.

You are for someone playful
I’m for someone stern
You like the stars
I prefer the moon

You like me,
I love you
You want me for your spare time
I need you for all my time

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Disembody

It was a starry starry night
When I heard the strange voice

That’s when my thoughts went a mile
In a really short while

All alone I felt
With anger….huger than a stealth

I felt really cursed
And absolutely needed to be nursed

My only companion…I wanted back
With the beauty of love, filling the rack

The strange voice I’d heard that night
Had a mysterious impact on my fright

My body turned flaccid and fell
I couldn’t make out what I really felt

The voice, had the answers to my puzzle
The answers I’d been looking for all my life

I got up from my dream
Looked for the voice

The voice which made me think
The voice which made me realize
The voice which I needed for my life
Had just vanished

Time passed, time flew but that voice
It remained as disembody forever
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Panacea

He was the panacea to my disease

He was everything I’d wanted, wished for

He could be my cure, my pain, my happiness, my all.

But chose the path which lead him away from me

By the time he realized what I meant in his life, I was gone

I was broke

I was hurt

I needed something more than just love

I needed his time

I needed his attention

I never wanted him, I always needed him.

And this need made me what I am now

My disease was not just being lonely but was being in love with someone who never looked upon to me the way I did

He proved to be the panacea to my disease

He did cure me

Not with love but disappointment.

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